10 Proverbs 31 Husband Traits
When I mention Proverbs 31, I know what goes through the minds of most women. “Oh, no! Not Proverbs 31—no, no, no!” Now, the men think, “All right! Give it to them!” But it dawned on me one time when I studied Proverbs 31, what kind of husband does this lady have? I began to understand that God wanted me to be a Proverbs 31 husband. So, who was the man behind this woman?
1.) The Proverbs 31 husband trusts his wife.
“The heart of her husband trusts in her” (Proverbs 31:11).
Trust is not a mental exercise alone. You do something to prove trust. That might mean letting her go to Tonopah, Nevada by herself.
Janet saw how much fun I’ve been having writing fiction, so she said, “I’m going to write a novel too.” So, she’s been working on a mystery series. And part of the scenes take place in Tonopah, Nevada. This silver mining town is halfway between Las Vegas and Reno. Also, her story idea revolves around a nearby place down a desert wilderness sideroad called Silver Peak. As she prepared a book proposal, she told me, “I really need to do on site research. Would you be able to go with me?”
I couldn’t get away. I had my own project deadlines. So she said, “Is it okay if I drive there by myself?”
Now, on a good day with dry roads, it’s about a 13-14 hour drive from our place to Tonopah. This is the point of, do I trust my wife, her wisdom, her driving, and her ability to take care of herself? We talked and prayed and debated pros and cons. Finally, I said, “I’m okay with your doing this, as long as it’s not snowing or a blizzard.”
So, we designate the first week in November. But that morning, the first heavy snow of the year falls. Almost a white-out, I could barely see across the street. So, I expect Janet to say, “I guess I’ll have to cancel the trip.” Instead, she remarks, “Do you trust your wife?” I said, “I trust your judgement.” So, she left through the blizzard. And everything turned out wonderful. She arrived at her destination and completed her research.
2.) The Proverbs 31 husband respects his wife’s ability to shop.
“She is like merchant ships; she brings her food from afar” (Proverbs 31:14).
We like to go to auctions. It doesn’t take me long to sum things up. We walk into a garage full of stuff and I quickly say, “Nope, there’s nothing here I want.” But Janet’s a professional shopper. She examines everything. Each box is pulled out and every item sorted through. So, I do a lot of standing around waiting until she agrees there’s nothing here we want.
At an estate auction in Potlatch, Idaho, Janet returned to me about an hour later. “What about the oak table?” “I didn’t see it,” I replied. “It’s piled with boxes, but I think they’re going to sell it.” So, I looked and inquired.
The owner had used it as a tabletop in his garage, now scuffed, dried out, and with a few grease stains. But originally this table, 6’x4’ with three wide oak drawers on each side, served for stretching out forest maps for a lumber mill. Janet said, “I think that would make a nice desk in your office.” I studied it closely and agreed. Now, it’s a beautiful, refurbished oak desk.
3.) a Proverbs 31 husband eats quiche for supper.
“She brings her food from afar” (Proverbs 31:14).
He gives his wife freedom to be creative with their menu. She can prepare food other than meat and potatoes every meal.
I had a shock one day. Jan came home from the supermarket all excited. “I bought us a new meat.” I’m thinking, oh, goody. Probably something like tofu. She continued, “It’s labeled as buffalo. I got steak and ground meat and stew chunks. They sell it once a month.” This time I was relieved and delighted.
4.) he delegates his wife to supervise the employees.
“She rises also while it is still night And gives food to her household And portions to her maidens” (Proverbs 31:15).
Her maidens included the household employees. Janet and I have an equal partnership in this business of writing with two offices downstairs, one hers and the other mine. However, we don’t have employees. So, I got to thinking, “What can I do?”
I decided to hire part-time employees. That turned out to be a once a month housekeeper and a once a week administrative assistant. Janet tells the gals what needs to be done, sets wages, and pays them.
5.) the Proverbs 31 husband assigns his wife some financial decisions.
“She considers a field and buys it; From her earnings she plants a vineyard” (Proverbs 1:6).
This verse got me started on this whole theme. One day Jan washed dishes and looked out the window at the empty house behind us. Between the house and the large, beautiful hay field surrounded by forest. an open lot piled with junk that included an old track layer, an abandoned car, rusted paddle boats in over-grown weeds.
She marched downstairs to my office where I worked on a book. “We’ve got to do something. I’m so tired of looking at all that junk when the scenery’s so beautiful. Why don’t we just buy that lot so we can clean it up?”
First, I don’t have time to even think about it. Second, I didn’t want to talk to the owners or the real estate people. Third, I didn’t think we could afford it. However, I said, “Dear, I want to be a Proverbs 31 husband. So, you do it. You want to buy it? You’re on your own. Figure it out. I’m too busy.”
So, she made the phone calls, found out the price, and told them, “That’s too expensive.” She offered a lower amount and then told them they’d have to carry the paper. And they accepted her terms. Within weeks, she figured it out.
6.) a Proverbs 31 husband pays attention to his wife’s compassion.
“She stretches out her hands to the distaff, And her hands grasp the spindle. She extends her hand to the poor, And she stretches out her hands to the needy” (Proverbs 31:19,2).
Janet sees needs of hurting people more quickly than I do. So does our daughter-in-law, Lois.
While our two grandchildren played on the swings at the city park, Lois introduced herself to a gal with kids there. “Where do you live?” Lois asked. “At the state park campground,” she said. “We can’t afford housing, so we live in a tent for two weeks, then we have to move because of the time limit. So we camp two weeks at another campground an hour away.”
A friendship began with the lady. Lois and Janet found out she and her husband moved from Alaska because of a job offer, but it didn’t pay enough to provide first and last month’s rent plus cleaning deposit. Janet brought that need to me. We began to pray all summer long they’d find housing.
At the end of August, the weather dipped to 18 degrees Fahrenheit at night in our mountain top town. “We’ve got to do something,” Janet said. “Those little kids can’t be in a tent any longer.” She called everyone we knew, searching for housing anywhere. By the end of the day, she found a house available. Renters were moving out. But the problem remained about the lack of upfront money. So, Janet asked, “Can we do that?”
Now, our little church didn’t have funds for something like that. But Jan wondered if we personally could loan them the money. I have to come up with a large sum of money. “Lord,” I prayed. “it’s time for me to act.”
I figured out a way to make it happen and they insisted on a loan, though we didn’t really expect to get it back. And that was fine with us. By the middle of September, they were warm, safe, and secure for the winter. By the way, the loan was repaid.
7.) the Proverbs 31 husband seeks his wife’s advice on clothing.
“She is not afraid of the snow for her household, For all her household are clothed with scarlet” (Proverbs 31:21).
On most days I wear jeans and a brush popper shirt, but on Sunday mornings, because I’m the pastor, I dress up. But I never have to worry what to wear.
There’s a routine at our house. I get up early and jog. Then I work on my sermon and go to the church to run off the bulletin. When I return home, the clothes are laid out for what we’re wearing. You see, in our church Janet and I stand together up front as she helps lead worship with the music. One time I wore something that clashed with her attire. “From now on, I’m picking out our ensembles,” she said. Now, we blend.
Another time while traveling, we looked around a men’s store and spied a bright rose pink silk shirt. And Janet says, “Honey, this would look beautiful on you.” However, I do not wear rose pink shirts! Then she added, “And it matches one of my dresses.” And I’m thinking, what would the Proverbs 31 husband do?
We bought the shirt but it stayed in the closet quite a while. One Sunday morning there on the bed lay the shirt. “We’re wearing the pink today,” Janet announced. And I’m thinking, oh, man, I hope not too many come to church today!
I put on my rose pink shirt and cover it best I can with my black vest and gray sports coat. And I tie a gray bandanna around my neck and go to church. Six women told me, “Pastor, your shirt is so striking!” After that, I wore that sucker about every other week.
8.) the Proverbs 31 husband encourages his wife to dress well, too.
“She makes coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple” (Proverbs 31:22).
Janet and I stopped by the Continental Western Wear and Dairy Supply in Hanford, California, where they offer great milking machines. While I sat in a chair, Janet looked around the clothes section.
Now, we have a rule. To make a purchase, the item must be a zinger to both of us. And we found two great western outfits for Janet. Those purchases so impressed my sister, Judy, who worked as a principal in the town of Hanford, she stopped there often in hopes of finding something special for her too.
9.) the Proverbs 31 husband seeks his wife’s wisdom and kindness.
“She opens her mouth in wisdom, And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue” (Proverbs 31:26).
Sometimes we determine we know everything of consequence in our world, especially in certain areas of our expertise.
Since I just received a contract for a new book series, I felt I deserved a reward. I considered buying another horse and knew where to find one. Then Janet blurts out, “I don’t think you ought to buy that kind of horse. I’ll tell you a better choice.”
And I’m thinking to myself, Woman, what do you know about horses? But she continued, “You always buy a horse that no one can ride but you. They’re hot-blooded, kind of rank and snuffy, and no one can get on them. But now, we’ve got grandkids coming to visit. And besides that, when we have other guests who might like to ride, you’ve only got a horse that might throw them in the canyon.”
After that exchange, I went out to jog and argued with her in my mind. I didn’t want to buy a kid horse. But by the time I finished the run, I realized her point. We needed one horse anyone could ride. So, I took her advice.
10. he’s respectful of his wife’s spiritual commitment and search her ministry opportunities.
“Her children rise up and bless her; Her husband also, and he praises her, saying: ‘Many daughters have done nobly, But you excel them all.’ Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised” (Proverbs 31:28-30).
The Proverbs 31 husband desires his wife’s spiritual life to unfold as the Lord leads and to accomplish the tasks He wants her to do.
All these things develop the traditional, intact family, which has been under attack in our country for a very long time. One of the fastest ways to establish that kind of family is through the proverbial father, for the quickest, most dramatic change.
Stephen Bly
Copyright 1993
Heart in Snow Image by donations welcome from Pixabay
Woman Shopping with Husband Image by mohamed Hassan from Pixabay
Couple Eating Image by mohamed Hassan from Pixabay
Junky Car Image by PublicDomainPictures from Pixabay
Pink Shirt Image by Clker-Free-Vector-Images from Pixabay
Horses Heads Image by Wolfgang Claussen from Pixabay
Woman Praying Image by GoldenViolinist from Pixabay
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“The Proverbs 31 Husband” audio podcast by award-winning western author Stephen Bly. Sponsored by BlyBooks.com Legacy Series.
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